February 21, 2023
12:00 pm: at my desk
Yahweh, there are no limits on you. Even though I may not see right now, there is no limit to what you can do. Yahweh, help me to just keep this faith. That I will not miss you and I will walk in your will. No limits. You are limitless.
Ephesians 3:20 – Glory belongs to God, whose power is at work in us. By this power he can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine.
6:25 pm : In the middle of sketching and listening to a sermon
You ever hear a scripture for the hundredth and one time, but on the hundredth and two you realise something you didn’t before?
Judges 16:5 – The Philistine rulers came to her and said, “Trick him, and find out what makes him so strong. Find out how we can overpower him. We want to tie him up in order to torture him. Each of us will give you 1,100 pieces of silver.”
The story of Samson (and Delilah). You know what struck me? The Philistines knew his strength was supernatural. I won’t look at someone who was strong and say, hmmmm. That is not natural, there must be some way to make him weak. While they may not have recognised the “hand” of Yahweh, they knew that his strength was not of himself and sought to remove it. That’s the devil right there. He knows our strength is not of ourself so he’s trying all how to destroy our connection to what (who really) strengthens us.
What am I thankful for?
- The limitless love, power, grace, everything of Yahweh.
- Actually posting on FB & IG. Truthfully was AWOL for a minute because of so much work. But I have been typing and posting on the site and figured it was time to make the time to post. Edited images last week and had them ready to go.
- Exploring parts of my village. I love finding new places.
10:09 pm : in my bed
I’m sad. Well the truth is, I feel left behind. I’m truly happy for everyone who received their miracles, but honestly right now I’m feeling how I’ve felt for the past six/seven years minus last year. That I have been skipped over. And it hurts. And I’m sorry. And I keep trying not to feel that way, but it hurts. And it makes me wonder what is wrong with me? What is wrong with me? You say you love me and honestly I know you do, but it doesn’t always to be tough love.
I don’t know how to silence the thoughts in my head. Help. I think the biggest part is that it feels (and I know it’s feelings) that the community I’m in, I have to do 80% of the work to keep us together. And I’m tired. I don’t want to limit you. I truly don’t. Right now I feel completely left out and it’s weird that I’m rejoicing at the photoshoot and I’m thankful for what you’ve done and I want to honour you in everything and at the end of the day, if it’s truly your desire that this is to be the life I live, I am going to be okay. I’m trying to be okay with it, but it also feels like doing so is me giving up hope and I don’t want to do that.
Sigh. I’m sorry. Help me not to be a rollercoaster. Help me to control my physical. It’s getting harder. Help, Jesus.
Can I ask for a sign? I don’t even know what sign, but I don’t want to run in my open speed, believing wrongly and it turns out that’s not the case. Will you provide? Will I be able to be out of debt? Will I be able to build in Moriah without additional debt? Is the business from you? Will the ministry have an impact and reach others for you? Will I actually be married with children? Will I actually be a blessing to others? Will I know when you answer? Do you get mad at me when I doubt? What am I missing? What do I need to learn? Have you forgotten me?
Isaiah 49:15 – Can a woman forget her nursing child? Will she have no compassion on the child from her womb? Although mothers may forget, I will not forget you.
I’m going to keep reminding myself of this. You will not forget me.
Reason to Praise – Cory Asbury
Deep breath. I still have a reason to praise. Yahweh, you are still God even when I’m breaking down. Thank you for being God. And while it may be hard to rejoice every moment cause life is hard, I will trust you. You are in control and if you didn’t provide something, then I will realise that I can live without it. Help me to trust you in all things. That even in this season that I will still be a blessing to others. That I will still honour you. That I will hold on no matter how crazy things look like. I can live on my own physically, but I can’t live without you spiritually. Thank you for being God, for being my friend. Help me not to limit myself in you. I pray for expectations that are exceedingly, abundantly above all that I can ask or imagine. Amen!!
I think (know) that relationships have always been a struggle area for me. It’s been the area that it feels like no matter what I do, nothing works out. Waiting for marriage. Yes, I know I should have and I am sorry that I didn’t. I am thankful for your forgiveness. I guess what bothered me was while I was waiting, doing what I thought was right, active in church, no one was checking for me and I watched as all the guys and girls in the church, who were sleeping around, all getting married and honestly it bothered me. What was the point then? Then I did have sex and guess what? That didn’t “work” either. So honestly it like the problem was me.
And it doesn’t matter what I feel. I do realise that the time you’ve appointed for me is different from others. And I have to keep on walking and trusting you. And I may not sleep tonight much. I’m gonna listen to music and sermons and read the Bible. If I fall asleep, I fall asleep, but I am thankful that even in my breakdown, you are the God of the breakthrough. Thank you. I love you.
I will trust your word.
Stand Still
Speak Up
In Jesus Name – Israel & New Breed
Isaiah 49:3-4 – He said to me, “You are my servant Israel. I will display my glory through you.” But I said, “I have worked hard for nothing. I have used my strength, but I didn’t accomplish anything. Yet, certainly my case is in the Lord’s hands, and my reward is with my God.”
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Isaiah 49:8 – This is what the Lord says: In the time of favor I will answer you. In the day of salvation I will help you. I will protect you. I will appoint you as my promise to the people. You will restore the land. You will make them inherit the desolate inheritance.
Yahweh, remember this church community. Help us to truly be your children. To be brothers and sisters in Christ. To build together and to grow in unity. Help us to trust each other as unto you. To be that light for you. To be the help you desire us to be.
