There’s so many things I dreamed of doing with a life partner. There are so many dreams that will never happen. I realised this morning that one of the reasons I never pushed to build the Moriah house was because I never pictured building it and living in it by myself. I didn’t realise how much I wanted that. Not going to lie, I’m crying right now as that’s another dream that has fallen. I do believe that I won’t be living there alone for the rest of my life but in this moment it hurts. I know it’s for the best. I know that you want what’s best for me. But this season does hurt. Yahweh, I need to stop the dreaming of possibilities, please help me with that. I don’t know how to stop unless I’m busy all the time but it’s not possible for me to stay busy all the time. I don’t want to keep having those types of dreams. Dreams that I can act on, yes. Day dreams? No. I need you Yahweh.
So I didn’t know that I needed a word so badly. But if I had to guess, Yahweh was like, “I need to make sure that you understand what I’m telling you! Did you hear me?!!” This is me like, “I heard you. I heard you! And I am thankful for your word! I am!”
Delayed gratification. Don’t avoid the storm. Stay in the storm and you will make it through.
Love Languages:Â
Physical touch, quality time.
So while I may not have had much opportunity to date, I really can’t date meaninglessly. So what do I do? I know that physical touch is important to me and I don’t think I can casually date and not want to touch the person at some point and therein lies my problem. (Btw, not talking sex ehhh. Like hugs and holding hands etc).
I truly don’t think I can do it. Just date randomly with no other purpose but fun. There’s a part of me that wants to because I’ve never done that. But I get attached (something I am also working on not happening) and I will probably want more. Because I am someone that needs conversation to be drawn in.
Tonight I will choose to focus on my relationship with God. Not on dates, God. Whenever, whoever is meant, I’ll have to trust that we will meet.