March 9, 2023
5:26 pm – in the car
I’m waiting for church to open. Have a meeting in four minutes. Sometimes (okay, confession, a lot of times), I expect Yahweh to speak to me in a dramatic fashion. Burning bush, fall off the house type of way. Why though? Why do we value these types of interaction more than the quiet feeling in our spirit to turn left or right? Sometimes it’s so much easier to discredit the quiet voice. To think, nah, that’s just me thinking or to brush it aside. But it is my desire to be connected to you that even the quietest voice leaves no doubt in my mind; that you said it. Yahweh, help me to always hear you.
6:22 pm – in church
Yahweh, help me to channel your spirit. Help me to honour you in all things. I realise that some people truly have a spirit of contention. Everything is an argument and I am truly not willing to be a part of it. And for the record! A Christian can be a politician, a fire officer, a police office, an attorney. If Yahweh has called them to it, then it’s where they are to be. We love to say we are compromising, but is it compromising or coming to right thinking? When they used to say that women can’t wear pants in church. But the Bible never said that.
8:39 pm
And I ended up (almost) yelling today. Comprehension is a hell of a thing. I kept saying I am new. I don’t know the process. The response? Oh nobody taught me. That’s not the point. I’m asking that we be shown. It’s when I raised my voice that they actually said that oh, they will show what to do on such and such a day. But it was further highlighted by others saying that they don’t know other things. That’s when they actually started to listen. Sigh. Sometimes I just feel to stay quiet in these meetings.
Yahweh, confession. I did not want to be ordained under this pastor and elder. The truth is, I feel like I would have been “tainted.” It’s not that I’m perfect (so far from it, exhibit anger explosion this evening ), but the laying on of hands is serious business.
1 Timothy 1:6 – But some people have missed this whole point. They have turned away from these things and spend their time in meaningless discussions.
Is the spirit of the one ordaining right? Are they truly from Yahweh? And truly it is a concern because so many things just seemed contrary. But I want to be ordained by someone who I can be confident is ordained by you. You are my father. You are my spiritual father.
1 Corinthians 4:15 – For even if you had ten thousand others to teach you about Christ, you have only one spiritual father. For I became your father in Christ Jesus when I preached the Good News to you.
While I will humble myself under the current leadership of the church, you are my father. You are the one that ordains. And as much as it be nice to have the physical laying on of hands, I desire your Spirit above all. So I will wait for the physical ordination, but I pray that even now you will ordain me. Set me apart to do your work. Teach me your will. Amen.
What am I thankful for today?
- My Fathers.
- The result of the raised voice (not thankful about the raised voice) was that they actually started giving instructions.
- Paperwork! Worked on a lot of this today.
