January 21, 2023
4:25 am : in my bed because where else would I be?
“Burdens are also blessings.”
Yesterday evening honestly was not easy. And I had to make a choice, do I still trust you even though so much seems impossible right now? Even though what I thought was the light at the end of the tunnel was actually a train. I’m not gonna lie and say that I feel happy, but I am choosing to keep trusting you.I am choosing to be thankful even though I want to cry. But this morning as I chose to listen to a sermon, the preacher started speaking about those times when we’re still in the midst of hardship and we wonder what we did wrong. And she spoke about the man who was blind where the disciples asked, “Who sinned? Him or his parents?” And Jesus’ response was, “None of them, but it was so that his name would be glorified.”
Sometimes I am wondering what did I do wrong. Shame face – even asking if I’m such a horrible person. But not everything that we go through is because we did wrong – it could be because you want to be glorified through whatever I am going through. Yahweh, help me to glorify your name no matter what. Help me to see your face through every trial. Help me to trust you through the tears because you are good. You are God. You don’t desire that anyone perish or for their soul to die. Help me to help others know you and honour you in all things. To live for you even when living seems hard. One step at a time. One day at a time. Thank you for who you are. Thank you for loving me. For saving us. For having good plans for us. I love you. Amen.
4:50 am : still on my bed
Okay, so I paused the sermon because at this point it’s uncanny. The speaker is talking about being in so much pain the week before the sermon (the sermon was actually preached on a Sunday) that she ended up in the ER. But throughout the pain, she was determined to still do what Yahweh had called her to do. The Saturday she was in pain, but the Sunday morning she got up and the pain was gone. That was literally my experience last week. And I remember praying that what Yahweh has called me for, still has to be done even though my hands hurts and I’ll have to work out how to do it. And the Sunday morning I got up and the pain was 85% gone. By evening the pain was 98% gone and I am thankful. Beyond grateful for his healing power.
“Burdens are blessings.”
Things will hurt in a season, but we can trust that there is a reason and that he will work it out, even if we never know the reason we went through something.
You Are Worthy of it All – Cece Winans
Breakfast this morning:
Fry bake (not to be confused with float), Scrambled eggs (with eggs from the backyard), Ginger Tea (ginger also from the backyard). Yahweh, I am thankful for you. For your provision. As the song says, “Food on the table.” Thank you Yahweh because you are worthy of my praise, my song, my everything.
Praise Waiteth (My Everything) – Richard Smallwood.
