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February 9, 2022

 

It bothers me. It still bothers me. No matter how much you cry out and say something, single people in the church are never considered as part of. It’s either husband, wife, children. We don’t exist. It’s like rubbing salt in a wound. I am working on removing the chip for my shoulder but I am saying this now, I will not be spending an entire week listening to the gratification of couples and children. I will not. I’m fed up.

Another reminder of why I don’t fit in. And yes, even though I do hope to get married one day, I am good with being single. I just wish that we were considered part of the church family.

I hope for the day when it won’t bother me anymore, where I can ignore (I do try and succeed most times) the way that we are treated. Imma work on it.

Yahweh, I know I keep asking for help. But the truth is, there is no one else I would rather turn to: because most would not understand. I need your help. Please. I don’t want to be angry or distant, but I feel like just staying away during that time.

Sigh. It will be okay. Yahweh, I want to always be aware of how my actions affect others. While I know it’s not about pleasing others, I don’t want to be insensitive to others, especially marginalised groups. I also pray that when married that I don’t treat any single person as though they don’t matter. Essentially, I don’t want to forget how I felt. 

Thank You for allowing me to vent. Imma be alright. Thank you for listening. Thank you for not casting us aside. Hugggggggsssss. 

 

TODAY’S THANKFUL TALLY

  1. That Yahweh still loves me. 
  2. A site visit without drama!
  3. A quiet ride to work.

 

Into my heart. Into my heart. Come into my heart, Lord Jesus.

Come in today. Come in to stay.

Come into my heart, Lord Jesus.

Psalm 33:15 – The one who formed their hearts understanding everything they do.

So since you understand everything about my heart, I would like to give it to you. Cause I don’t understand it. I’m not sure I ever will. Sigh. Sometimes I wish I could just lock everything away and not feel anything, but to do that we deny you as creator because you made me. I don’t always understand my thoughts or why I feel the way I do. I don’t always recognize why I react to certain things. I’m definitely giving you my heart but I also ask that you help me understand me. Why did you make me the way you did? This is not a judgement question, it’s a “I definitely want to know” question.

To be a bridge. There is that ability to understand and empathise with people of different sides. Even though I don’t fit in, usually when I speak people listen. To be able to find that spot that everyone can benefit from once they are willing to work together. Marginalised but not ostracised. The ability to see and connect with all sides and thereby connect them. 

This is something that I have noticed, and while I have used that ability at work especially, I didn’t think of it as something that can be used for your work other than as I go through my other duties. Thank you for showing me and I pray that as I go forward, I will further develop it for Your glory. 

Should I go to sleep? Probably, but I missed talking with you this evening: between the meeting and my brother. How are you? You are indeed good. You are looking down on the entire earth and you feel what we feel, plus there are your responses to events etc. The question is – are you feeling all emotions simultaneously as you’re looking at all of us simultaneously? Cause that thought blows my mind, but I want to feel that or something like it is what happens. I don’t know how but you do it. That’s a lot to possess but it’s not a major thing for you in terms of ability. Thank you for your words. I love you Yahweh.


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