July 27, 2022
When you see where Yahweh has brought you from. When I see where he has brought me from, I can’t help but say thank you. Thank you Yahweh for loving me to my senses. Thank you for seeing me and holding me. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you.
October 9, 2021
Today I was reminded of what I had said when I agreed to see Jeffers. Companionship. Not potential marriage. Because I truly don’t want that at the moment, though maybe at some point. I am too messed up. And I was reminded that I have never been “that” girl. The wanted one. The desired one. Remember, marriage never chose me and it’s not likely to. At the end of the day, I need to be prepared to walk away because he will. When he does, I need to let go. And it’s okay. I am never the chosen one. So for today and tonight, I’ll cry. I’ll let myself feel the pain. Tomorrow is a new day and my heart gets locked away.
October 11, 2021
I get so tired at times. Most days I handle it fine and the other days it hits me how little support I have. I am somehow expected to hold everything together while everyone else goes their merry way. But there are times that I am drowning and don’t know how to save myself. So I pretend. Pretend that I’m not scared. Pretend that I’m okay. Pretend that I’m not about to die inside. And I make it through another day. I long for the day when I don’t have to pretend anymore.
Thank you Yahweh, for being my strength. You are my joy.
A Waiting Season
A waiting season requires certain attitudes.
- Gratitude, thankfulness
Psalm 50:23 – Whoever offers thanks as a sacrifice honors me. I will let everyone who continues in my way see the salvation that comes from God.”
Gratitude is a sacrifice that is a sweet aroma to Yahweh and it gives the assurance that he will save us.
- Worship
Psalm 138:1 – I will give thanks to you with all my heart. I will make music to praise you in front of the false gods.
Worship confuses the enemy. Yahweh inhabits our praise but when we praise him even when things look weird, the enemy gets confused and don’t know what to do.
In any given moment we have a choice: worry or worship. And it’s an age old choice, but one I had to make today. I went to put gas in the vehicle, got to the gas station and could not find my card. I had used the card yesterday and most likely would have left it in my shirt pocket, but wasn’t sure. Checked my bag. Nothing. Checked the car. Still nothing. Called home and asked Dad to check the shirt I wore yesterday. Nothing. Okay. So I decided to just get some items Dad had given me cash to get for him, exercise then head home. Then I saw a light come on, on the dashboard. An exclamation mark with a circle around it. I had no idea what it meant. I had no card to go to the mechanic and I had no clue what would happen if I turned off the car. Would it even turn back on? I made a choice at that moment: I will sing – all the way home. There wasn’t anything that I could do. Wouldn’t be able to figure out anything so decided to worship instead. And I thought to myself, the day that I decided to especially give thanks, so many things went “wrong.” But you know what? I’ll give thanks for that too. And when I got home I found the card – in the shirt pocket. I shut off the vehicle and was able to start it up back again. Thank you Jesus!!
