February 4, 2023
12:53 pm : at church
Comparison is the thief of joy. Sometimes it’s hard not to compare. Miya said it was good that her church loves her. Sigh. I don’t think I can say the same. And honestly it’s easy for me to think the problem is me. It might be. But part of me also knows that it’s not totally me. I have stopped trying to please people and I live to please Yahweh. The sad part is? Even when I tried to please others, it didn’t work out. Help us Yahweh.
3:27 pm : crying
I truthfully feel so conflicted. Was just watching a video that came upon my feed about a couple that met and got married in six months. I absolutely believe and trust you for your promises, but sometimes as I look at my life, I’m wondering how is this possible? How will this work out?
I was convinced that the house would have been built last year, but I still haven’t seen the final plans. And in truth, I am disappointed. Still believing but also disappointed. I don’t know the home will be built before marriage and not even smelling the perfume of a potential.
Sometimes I wonder if my faith is big enough. Yahweh, I know I’m in a something today. Asking again for your help. Not to compare. Not to be hurt. Help to live in your joy. To trust you. To stand still. Thank you for holding me. For never letting go. I love you to you and back.
6:26 pm : sitting in my car in the church’s compound waiting to attend a social.
Thank you Yahweh. Count your blessings. That’s what I did this afternoon. So the youths and children definitely show that I am a part of. And I am thankful for that. I am thankful for this moment with you. I am thankful that I am in your time. And I will trust you come what may. I will hold to you. I love you.
9:56 pm
Hebrews 12:2 (KJV) – Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Everything that I have to go through is worth the sacrifice for what is promised tomorrow. I’m not Jesus, but he endured too much to save us. I can go through this.
Hebrews 12:16 – Make sure that no one commits sexual sin or is as concerned about earthly things as Esau was. He sold his rights as the firstborn son for a single meal.
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Hebrews 12:12 – Strengthen your tired arms and weak knees.
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Hebrews 12:22 – Instead, you have come to Mount Zion, to the city of the living God, to the heavenly Jerusalem. You have come to tens of thousands of angels joyfully gathered together.
Yahweh, thank you for your correction, your discipline. Help me to discipline myself. To not sell my birthright for a meal. That I can come to Mt. Zion where you are. Thank you Yahweh for speaking to me. You are the source and the goal that I need. Thank you for who you are. I love you.
What am I thankful for today?
- That Jesus is the source and the goal of my faith.
- Miya getting a laptop!!
- Social- where I lost my voice. Kinda.
- Giving away the last of the money. Truthfully, I was tempted to just put it in the offering bowl, but I knew it wasn’t there it belonged. But then the thought came to “give” out at the social. Buy refreshments for as many as the money can buy. That’s what I did. Thank you Yahweh.
