March 8, 2023
3:31 am : the preacher made me get up, ya’ll
Okay, so I’m in the awake, not able to go back to sleep stage, but still too tired to get up stage, so I decided to listen to a sermon. And the speaker said something, “Some of us have spiritualised our state.” Meaning, we know things aren’t right and instead of moving forward we say things like, “If God never does anything else for me, it’s okay, he’s done enough. He saved me.” It made me stop, because I’m like, I’m straddle the line of being content in this season and also desiring the exceedingly, abundantly. Because I truly believe that there has to be more to life. That it can’t be a struggle on every front for the rest of my life and that means that Yahweh isn’t done yet. So while I am beyond thankful, ecstatic about everything that Yahweh has done in the past. While I am also content in the present, I will always push toward a future. I will also push toward a future that he has promised. The problem is, sometimes I feel stuck. Like what step did I miss that even though he promised, I am not seeing the fulfilment and it can make a sister wonder, what went wrong? But a large part of me is aware that I’m still in the wilderness season and still need to move forward in this season. Here’s the thing with being in the wilderness – it can feel like you’re going nowhere even though you’re moving forward. The scenery doesn’t change. It can get monotonous, but each step is taking you out of the wilderness even though we may not be able to see it at that moment. But what’s the worst thing to do in a wilderness? To stay where you are. I’m not talking about the rest and set up camp for a night situation, but the decide I’m not taking another step situation.
We can die in a wilderness, we can also develop in a wilderness. The funny thing is, there are so many types of “wildernesses.” Some are dry, some have rivers, some have lots of trees, some have only grass. But they all place you in a unique environment.
I don’t know how long this wilderness season will last, but I do know that I need to keep walking forward in the hope that Yahweh has given. If I stop, I will die, so even though the scenery may not change much, I will keep pressing toward the (currently unseen) mark.
Yahweh, I pray for your strength to move forward in you. “We have this hope,” that you will do exceedingly abundantly. And I will keep my hope in you. You are the source. Thank you for your promises. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for walking this road with me. Thank you for your amazing grace that keeps me warm, that keeps me close to you. Thank you for you.
Genesis 18:14 – Is anything too hard for the Lord? I will return about this time next year, and Sarah will have a son.
I have an untested theory. When Yahweh gives a promise, especially one that takes time, he does not give a lot of info. But close to its fulfilment, he will get specific. Years before: You’ll have a son. Where? How? When? Silence. One year before (and considering a baby takes nine months its actually like three months before): oh, guess what? It’s time for your son!
I think he loves those moments. They happen too often for him not to love them.
