Thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for constantly reminding me whenever the doubt overwhelms me. I cannot look so far forward. I don’t want to laugh at your promises. I want to trust you in everything. Not gonna lie, it’s hard right now to believe in the future. But I also …
While there have been times I’ve said this grudgingly, in this moment it is truly my heart’s desire. I pray that I will always choose to let your will be done. I will remain in this place. I will grow in this place until you call me into something else. I will learn to love …
Today I finished shredding all the old paper journals. I cry a lot about loneliness in all of them. I’ve even asked Yahweh to take away the desire for a partner from me. Also the desire for a child. I’ve definitely mourned not having a child and I truly don’t want one at this age. …
As part of this journey, in addition to journalling, exercising, mindfulness, I will also take at least 30 minutes and sit in a public space. Can’t promise that it would be somewhere like the mall, but would start by the esplanade, instead of just sitting in my car with the windows up. This morning I …
You know what I am still amazed at? What we have been taught as Christians. We have been taught that we have to always be “happy.” We must not complain. Never show a face that things are not okay. BUT!! When we read the scriptures we see people sharing their emotions. You see people of …
So I have committed to this journey. Self-care, mental health and growth. This morning after devotion, I moved to music for 8 minutes. It felt good. So even though I’ll be hella lonely and isolated, I think I do need to live on my own for a while. I had baked brownies, they were for …
There is another door. God is a God of resurrection. As with Lazarus, when he allowed him to die it wasn’t about healing him but about Resurrection. Changing me, so that when the situation is changed I can deal with it. I am thankful this evening. There is progress. Today I didn’t have as many …
Woke up at 4:00 this morning. Brandon (my dog) did not eat yesterday, even with warm chicken and rice. This morning he’d barely moved from his spot. Sigh. I got up and started writing because I was catastrophizing. It still hurts at times, but I’m choosing to believe in Yahweh and his promises for me …
I don’t think Brandon will pull past today. I kind of expected him to go last night. Mom keeps trying to get me to put him to sleep and I usually have no problems doing that. But he’s old, not sick and I prefer that he died at home with folks that he loves and …
Today for the first time, I did not feel the urgent desire to corral my thoughts as they were not raging in me. I was still dreaming about some of my hopes but it was not catastrophic thoughts: which was an amazing feeling, that sense of hope and calm. Thank you Yahweh for working on …
