A Year Ago

June 2, 2022

Do you know what today is? It’s my locaversary! Whooohoooo!! A year ago I thought this day would never come. It’s amazing the difference a year makes. Or rather what can happen in a year. I truly remember the starting struggles. The amount of slippage (I swear my hair was on its own speed). Some of the locs came out every other day. My naturally fine hair looked even more fine, maga even and many times I debated if I should just take them out. But I also knew that I did not want to continue with my hair the way I had all my life. My hair has always been natural and  I usually enjoy the process of plaiting my own hair. I think I’ve probably done almost every style under the sun. Short hair, long hair, undercut, coloured. My hair became part of my expression of myself. But for almost two years leading up to last year, my hair was in crochet braids in some form or the other. Because I mostly just wanted to not have to figure out a hairstyle. Just get up and go. Man alive things changed. Always loved to see locs. Never did it because I preferred thicker locs if they were traditional locs and did not feel I had the stamina for microlocs. 

But for a while, the thought kept coming, just do it. And that’s what I did. I got up one day, June 2nd, 2021 and started two strand twisting my hair. I wish I could say I never looked back. I would be lying if I did. At times, I wondered if it would ever thicken up. If I should have made them smaller or bigger. Should I start over? Should I scratch this. But in my mind throughout all the mental calisthenics, the thought came, if you stick it out, ten years from now, you would be glad you did. I stuck it out and one year later. I am glad I did. Lol. Seems my life is in cycles in one year for many things and not just on my birthday. 

One year with Yahweh and like my locs, not ending after one year. After all, I don’t plan to cut it off (cause this chic do not, I repeat do not!! Have the stamina and the hair follicles to comb this out). 

So many times we are afraid to start something, to do something because it seems difficult, impossible and far-fetched. A year seems far away (and honestly at times, even the six months seems far away), but when it passes, we are amazed. It’s been a year. 

It’s been a year. And in the past year, my hair has thickened up, gotten stronger. A little bit longer (sad truth of locs, they shrink a lot before starting to lengthen). And shows what can happen in a year. When we push past the slippage. The frustrations, the thoughts at the back of your head wondering if you’re crazy for doing this. And then being thankful that you didn’t turn back. 

Yahweh, thank you. I know you know, I’m no longer talking about my hair, though I’m thankful for that also. But thank you, for pulling me aside and encouraging me to spend time with you. There were more tears than smiles at the beginning. Days of slippage and wondering why I agreed to do this again? But each time you kept me. 

Thank you for keeping me. For holding me close. For never letting me go. For giving me reason after reason to smile. Not a plastic smile of the years before that hid how I felt about life. But you have me reasons to smile. Not just at the future, but at the now. 

Thank you Yahweh for this time. Thank you for the way that you’ve led me and how you continue to lead. The future? Probably a bit scary. Lol. Right. But I can smile because you hold the future in your hands. You hold today in your hands. You’re holding me in your hands. And I’m just thankful beyond measure. 

Forgive me Yahweh for the times I’ve doubted. I know “doubt” is not a sin. But honestly still feels weird how much I’ve doubted you. How much I doubted that you cared. Thank you for pushing past the pain. Thank you for showing me you. You are truly the “I am.” You are everything. I love you – to you and back. 

Praise is what I do. When I want to be close to you. 

This is my testimony and there are times that I wonder will I be able to sustain this? But then I remember his promises. 

Deuteronomy 11:10-12 – The land you’re about to enter and take possession of isn’t like the land you left in Egypt. There you used to plant your seed, and you had to water it like a vegetable garden. The land you’re about to enter is a land with hills and valleys, watered by rain from the sky. It is a land the Lord your God cares about. He watches over it all year long

And I will hold on to that promise. You will watch over the land. You will watch over me. It’s for me to watch you. Thank you.

Annndddd!! Yayyyy!! Thank you! I’m getting better. While I didn’t remember chapter and verse, I remembered book! Progress! Happy dance. Thank you Yahweh for all that you do.