January 23, 2023
8:53 pm : On my Bed
So today happened. Not bad things, but different things. I don’t know what will happen with AY with no leader. At the middle of the day, you are in control so I will trust that you will work things out.
Andddd…I will return all your tithe and offerings to you. I was returning on the net, but I need to do the right thing and return what is yours first. I probably won’t be able to do anything anymore, but that’s alright. I’ve lived on less before. Last year showed that. The truth is not that I’m not praying for a miracle in my finances, but it was hard praying for a miracle last year and just barely scraping by. I want to expect a miracle, but I also don’t know how you will work so I don’t want to expect a miracle either. And I know that goes contrary to knowing that in order for you to do exceedingly above what I can ask or imagine, I have to ask or imagine.
The truth is – I don’t know if I can handle anymore disappointments right now. Maybe two months from now. Christmas was hard. Walking away was hard. Miya leaving is hard. Unpaid today is hard. Man alive, life is hard right now. No hugs is hard and I already said no kissing until marriage. I hope I can really do that. The home plans not even being finished is hard. I don’t know where to/what to expect next, but it will probably be hard too. I will be thankful for the hard things in life. Sigh. I am thankful since I pray that it is moulding me into who you want me to be. I am thankful for the disappointments. It pushes me to move forward. Though it’s hard. Help me Yahweh to truly trust you in everything and though I haven’t given an offering yet, I pray for the grace to do so.
What am I thankful for today?
- Even though it feels like I’m just scrapping by, you are still in control. He will Supply – Kirk Franklin. Thank you for supplying.
- Salary being late so that I can do what is right.
- On my bed, by myself. He said he will supply! And that he will sustain until he supplies.
Yahweh, thank you for your favour. For who you are.
Thank you, Yahweh.
11:22 pm
I don’t want to sleep. I should but I don’t want to. I do want to do what is right. Whether I am blessed financially or not, I will do what is right. It kinda sounds like it’s grudging. It’s not. I don’t think it is. But I will say that I have been convicted. And I can’t ignore this conviction. I must return tithes on the gross, not the net. And I will survive. Hoping one day to thrive, but for now, I will be okay with surviving.
