January 16, 2022
Why would he always die for us if he didn’t want to have a relationship with us?
Three areas that block us from hearing God.Â
- Un-forgiveness – when we don’t forgive others it shows hate in our heart. Hate and love cannot live in the same place.
(Yeah, I realised that I still have issues with Alex. I guess part of me kind of hopes for restitution or at least an apology. I know it’s not likely to happen, but for a while now I have felt the desire to talk to him about it, but haven’t because I have been afraid of his response. He can get a bit too hyper at times. Yahweh, I ask for your leading. I want to cleanse and restore).Â
SIDEBAR: The app keeps saying exercise will help me sleep better. I exercise everyday, but that does not work for me. I’m really trying. Telling my mother to stop only offends her, so I don’t bother anymore but she needs to stop micromanaging my food! I’ve had to develop a healthy, non-guilty focus attitude towards food to counteract what I’ve been shown all my life. But this morning was ridiculous. Two scrambled eggs and three tomatoes for breakfast. One tomato has like 25 calories. That entire combination came up to about 300 calories, which isn’t a lot. My mother exclaims, “Three whole tomatoes?! So much?!” Sigh. It made me wish I was in my own place already. I love my parents. I will always be here to support them as much as possible, but yeah I do need my own space. Not my own room, my own space. And I just remembered something I’ve always wanted to do before I got married was living on my own. But honestly my finances are so tied up, I stopped dreaming of that too. Sigh. Working on it while waiting on the Lord.
This morning I heard the neighbour (facepalm, I said I would call him by name didn’t I?). I heard PC singing gospel. It’s not the first time, he’s done it before. But he is usually very loud and it’s usually after cussing out someone. There were some differences today. He actually had music playing that he was singing to but he wasn’t playing it extremely loud and no one has been cursed out recently.
Yahweh, thank you for answering prayers. I pray that he would seek you in all things, that he would prosper and be of good cheer. I pray that he’s able to have a companion because it’s probably super lonely. Continue to strengthen and keep him. Amen.Â
Three areas continued:Â
2. A fearful heart. Makes it difficult to hear God’s voice. (Sigh. It’s so true. We can be afraid to be embarrassed that maybe we heard you wrong. I am thankful for your countless confirmations and I pray for your grace not to run ahead of your plan and timing).Â
Sometimes even believing the promise given can cause fear if we don’t allow God to work. So we become fearful that we would miss his direction. We become fearful and almost over vigilant over everything: is this a sign? God is this it? It can block us from truly allowing Yahweh to lead and to flow through our lives.
Random confession: Part of me really wants to know if he has gotten the cards. But I also know that it’s not about that. When called to do something we do it with the knowledge that we did the part that Yahweh asked us to and leave the rest up to him. I will keep on sending cards until I am told to stop. Probably never will. But I’ve been wrong before.
We can become afraid of being wrong. Maybe I didn’t hear that. But there are two things to remember:
- God’s promises are true.
- Even if you did hear wrong, but are truly seeking Yahweh, there is the confidence he will direct you where you ought to go
Three things continued (again).
   3. A disobedient heart. When you resist when God gives directions, especially in little things.
