May 12, 2022
Last night I realised that a lot of what I want to get done on the website is self-imposed, not God breathed. And it’s because of my own desire of what I think it should look like before launching. This is a year’s journey with a lot learnt and infused into me, with still even more to grow into. Funny enough, the recognition that not having all four/five months of journal entries posted before the launch did not immediately sit well with me because it felt like I was going to be giving up a little. But this morning (just now), I did the math. So far there are over three hundred entries to post. And about one hundred and twenty have already been posted. So many blogs took months, even years to have that many. And while it is not a comparison, it is a reality check. The launch date hasn’t changed, Yahweh is specific about that, but what I desire to have on the page before it launches is subject to his will and not my (still ingrained) need for “perfection” in my eyes.
And that’s what it boiled down to, the drive to have all posted up by the launch date was my desire for perfection in my own eyes and not his. The funny thing is, the technical side of the website is taking more time, but chances are working on that and posting every day in the daily allocated time, wouldn’t allow me to do both. Yep, and this is why I am committed to you. I’ve always thought that my all or nothing attitude was a good thing. I’m either all in or not at all. But there are times when I’m reminded that that attitude is only good when it comes to you. Only you. For anything else, including marriage, it’s about finding the balance that would create the best atmosphere for growth. With each new aspect I discover, I have to find a balance for it, would you as a base/balancer. And honestly almost everyday, I’m getting this message in some aspect about some part of my life that needs to be balanced on you. Without the proper calibration, I will tip over and be damaged.
Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for taking the time to show me and remind me. This one wasn’t a tap, it was a hug. I like hugs. Thank you.
Ministry. Rest. Yahweh. Home. Work.
None above the rest, with you mixed up in all, in the middle of it all. And I just realised something and how it was written. Every facet on the side of you, is pretty much the counterpart for the other. Rest- Home. Ministry-Work. I love the way you work. Thank you for being my centre, my base, my covering. Thank you for being all in all. You are worthy of it all and I am so grateful for the ways that you are moving in me.
Yahweh, I lift Steph up before you. She is your daughter. You know her heart. You know what she needs. I pray for healing and restoration in her body. I ask that each day she is drawn closer to you and to hearing your voice.
I know sometimes the way you speak to us differs and I’m not sure how you would speak to her. Facepalm, not would, how you are speaking to you. But instead I pray that she would be able to hear you and recognise the many ways that you are speaking to her. That she would know the intimacy of you. Thank you for holding her close. Reveal to her (in your time) what you have revealed to me. Show me when to speak and when to be silent. When to support and when to nudge. Thank you for using us and for your covering in our lives. Strengthen us in you. To lay hold of you, no matter what comes our way. Because trials will come. Help us to keep our eyes fixed on you at all times. Thank you for who you are. Thank you for your love and grace. I love you.
Sauna Resolved!
I’m jumping right now!! I was at work for about ten minutes and saw the guys walk down with scaffolding! Hallelujah! AC is being replaced!
And one of the AC guys just said that I need to marry a guy younger than me. Straight face. No chaser.
