He Waits For Us

February 13, 2022

Romans 12:12 – Rejoice in hope; patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer. 

Rinse and repeat. Thank you Yahweh for your goodness to me. Something that I feel as previously (from reading the past prayer journals that I destroyed), I did not make you personal to me. I always said “our” because it seemed selfish to only apply anything to just me. But while you take care of the universe, you also desire a personal relationship with me, and I’m super thankful for that. So while I will still at times say “our”, I will also remember that you are my God. And that “my” is possessive. You chose to save me. You know all there is to know about me. You gave/give me a future and I hope. You gave me today. Today where I get to choose. I get to choose to look to you or to look away. It’s an easy choice now, but it’s just as easy to look away when discouraged or distracted. 

But you know what I love about you? You give us choices, but you also give us directions. You don’t hide what those choices will bring. In you, I can rejoice. In you, even while going through situations, I can be patient because of your promise to never leave us. The funny thing is even if we do decide to leave you, you still don’t leave us (though we do feel the consequences of our actions). Your prescriptions for life truly help me and the knowledge that you took the time to show us how to live is amazing and I can’t thank you enough. Rejoice in hope, in your promises. Not just in this life, but the life here after. Be patient in tribulation. This world is sinful (our fault – yeah I am not taking full blame for that one), it cray-cray. But even in all this craziness, you are developing me. You are teaching me. Endurance to run this race. Patience to not go off on anyone and to wait on you. To wait on you (it may seem like forever and a day, but I will wait. But arrrrmmmm, I’m already 42. And my birthday is like 6 weeks away! OMG!!) Right, patience. I’ll be patient, well I’ll learn patience. 

Sigh. It’s always been a prayer I’ve been hesitant to pray because I know what it would take to develop patience, but, but ( man this is hard). I can do all things through you, through your strength. I will be patient in tribulation. After all, you’ve been super patient with me (though I wonder if you ever tapped your feet, like why is this chic taking so long to come to me?) But you waited for me. You’ve been patient with me. Thank you Yahweh for your never ending, never wearying patience. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for waiting for me and on me. When I’m lagging behind, you wait for me: encouraging me to seek you. When I run ahead, you still wait for me to turn back to you. Yeah, we (lol) really are like little children, but the upside is that children aren’t afraid to run back to their parents or to run to catch up. They’re not afraid (well in a healthy parent/child relationship) and neither should we. Neither should I be. 

You know what else I love about you? You’re not afraid to repeat yourself until we understand. And you designed this world on a rinse and repeat cycle so that we can remember. The scripture that immediately came to mind, was one that you’ve repeated to me, that you’ve shown me so many times before and it just shows a side of you that is beautiful being imagination. 

Isaiah 30:18 – And therefore will the Lord wait, that he may be gracious unto you, and therefore will he be exalted, that he may have mercy upon you: for the Lord is a God of judgement: blessed are all they that wait for him. 

Wait: to stay in place of expectation.

Wait (Biblical): to stay in expectation.

Huh, it’s a rare thing for both the biblical and the common to be pretty much identical. You wait eagerly for us, expecting us. It is an active word: you’re on the lookout, you’re planning, excited about what will be on the other side of the wait. 

It is a wait (ya•hak•keh) of longing. Wow. Longing is to desire. Why do you love us so? That you long for us to be gracious to us. To show us fever. You’re not longing to punish us (though you do discipline us) but you desire to show us favour. Even you being lifted up (on the cross, in heaven) it’s for you to have mercy on us. It is for our benefit. Thank you Yahweh for all that you’ve done for us. For me. Thank you for sacrificing so much to save us from our choices. You are compassionate to us. Thank you. No words. Thank you.

2 Peter 3:9 – The Lord isn’t slow to do what he promised, as some people think. Rather he is patient for your sake. He doesn’t want to destroy anyone but wants all people to have an opportunity to turn to him and change the way they think and act. 

You decide to save all of us: you wait patiently. How you managing? You have so much you want to give us and yet you’re waiting on us. No lie, if I have something to give someone, I’m there anxious and ready to give them early because I want to see their reaction (and pray they like it). You know that we would love what you have for us and yet you patiently wait until we are ready for it. Thank you Yahweh. You are indeed God. 

James 5:8 – You too must be patient. Don’t give up hope. The Lord will soon be here. 

Soooo. Yahweh is waiting on us, but the funny thing is when we turn to him, we now have to wait on him. Why? Because he is shaping us. He has to know each of his characteristics, one of which is patience. He needs us to grow in strength. When we wait on his timing, our strength is continually renewed. But even in our waiting Yahweh has promised that…

1 Corinthians 1:7 – Therefore you don’t lack any gift as you wait eagerly for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed. 

Yes we are also waiting as he executes his perfect plan, but we are not waiting like beggars at the side of the road. He provides for me (us) even in our waiting season. Even in that time we have what we need.

Thank you Yahweh for your daily provision, for taking care of us. I pray that I don’t make you wait in vain because you don’t have us waiting in vain.  Thank you for who you are, for loving us so completely that you wait for us. I love you Yahweh.

Ninety Days!

Ninety days!! Lol. I sound like a recovering alcoholic on the AA programme. And in a way I am. I’m recovering from anxiety, depression, self-reliance and a couple other things. I think that this is one of the few times I’ve actually admitted to being depressed. I was highly functional at the time, but I was and I am thankful for where you have brought me from. So I will celebrate and give thanks that you won and continue to win the battle on my behalf. 

So. So. So. In reading over last Sunday’s journal, I saw where I prayed for the connection to be removed. Did I have hope for the future? Yes. But in that moment, I did not want the connection (mentally) to be there. And guess what happened? The project that I was called for not even 3 hours later put me in direct view of his house (he’s on another island at the moment, but still) and I wasn’t expecting that because the house is usually blocked. Then during the week specific things kept coming up, from questions being asked to his mom’s car shut down by the side of the road (yes, I did stop. How could I not?) And it was that evening I realised that maybe me praying to forget for the moment (and honestly I had forgotten that specific prayer last Sunday. I think that’s why Yahweh repeats himself so much, we forget. I forget a lot) was not the right prayer to pray. At that moment I decided that at times when he (and family) is brought to mind, I won’t pray to forget but I will pray for them. 

Yahweh, I pray that he chooses you everyday. For protection and provision. Provide for his mom: car troubles and never fun, but you are still in control. Thank you for your love. Amen.