Only Yahweh Can Save Me

July 2, 2022

Good Saturday Morning. How are you today? Thank you for waking me up this morning. Thank you for your grace and thank you for cancelled orders! Last night, I met someone who could make robes and literally lamented that I had just placed an order for robes because the prices here were too hot! And then I saw a message later tonight that my order was cancelled. Well look how things work out. Thank you for (unexpected to me) cancelled orders that allows me to support a small business locally because her prices were within my budget. 

Yahweh, thankfully this is another morning that I don’t have a laundry list of requests. I just want to say thank you for being my father. Thank you for the ways that you’ve shown your love to me. Thank you for your everything: who you are and what you do. Yahweh, I love you. 

Thank you for being there for me. 

CONFESSION: Relationships (romantic ones that is), have always been my biggest source of insecurity. Actually relationships including friendships period. It probably still is. I don’t fit in. And honestly now I embrace it, but for a long time it caused so much pain and insecurity. I found a freestyle last night that I had written several years ago. Honestly it was a bit painful to read what my thoughts were and I am thankful that you have been working on me. The truth is though, I still recognise the undercurrent with the potential to pull me away especially regarding romantic relationships. Always being single.  But I am thankful today for a couple things, including the wait. Because I wasn’t ready. I thought I was, but I truly wasn’t. Years of body issues, insecurities would have made me rely too much on whomever for my validation because I certainly wasn’t finding it within myself or from you. 

I would have been even more messed up, going from relationship to relationship trying to find one that would stay. And would have made my insecurities worse every time it ended or made my heart even more closed off to relationships. Even without the drama, I did give up and closed off myself because I figured why bother? You clearly didn’t want me with anyone.

But I am thankful for your patience with me. I am thankful that you waited for me so that you can be gracious to me. And while I’ll admit that there are still moments when I wonder who, I am choosing to trust you and to trust your timing, because you know what is best for me. 

I am also thankful that I no longer see marriage as something that would “save me” from so many things. Probably the main reason why you waited too – that and the need for the person to be old enough. Still kind of a lot for me to recognise that it would be someone younger especially since I’ve always said no to anyone younger than me. Go figure. But marriage cannot save me, only you can. We have so many movies and books about the “damsel in distress” waiting for her prince to come and sweep her off her feet. But it’s pretty much a lie. Even the Boaz and Ruth story. There was no sweeping off her feet. Ruth had to work. And even though it gets swept under the rug, Ruth was the one who had to make the first move to Boaz. Yahweh, for the record though, I don’t think I have the belly to do that one though. 

You didn’t create relationships to “save anyone.” You did for unity, for growth, for procreation, to mirror you. For so many things, but not to “save us” like that. Except for relationship with you. That is the only relationship that can and will save. All else can put us into trouble if we use it as a lifesaver. 

Thank you for loving me to my senses. Thank you for being the friend that I need, the mentor that I need. The everything that I need. You are so good and I am grateful. I love you to you and back. 

Romans 5:8 (Good News Translation) – But God has shown us how much he loves us—it was while we were still sinners that Christ died for us!

1 John 1:7 – But if we live in the light—just as he is in the light—then we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from every sin.

Jesus cleanses us from every sin.

1 John 4:17-18 –  Love is made perfect in us in order that we may have courage on the Judgment Day; and we will have it because our life in this world is the same as Christ’s. There is no fear in love; perfect love drives out all fear. So then, love has not been made perfect in anyone who is afraid, because fear has to do with punishment.

In your appointed time. Thank you.