February 1, 2023
2:48 am : Because I woke up and could not go back to sleep. I’m cold.
Yahweh. Uncertain times. We don’t usually know what to do in those times. I will choose to praise you. Can I be honest though? So many times it feels like it’s not enough, especially when the situation/feeling is still going on. I do feel invisible at times. And I know that you see me. I just wish at times that I could see-see you. The Holy Spirit since he is the one on earth these times. Yahweh, help me to trust you in uncertain times. Help me to walk in your will even though I may not see your face. Help me to hear what that still, small voice that only comes from you and to recognise when you are speaking. Where you are directing.
“And dear child I hope you know how much I love you and I’m proud of you
And please believe
The thoughts I have for you will never change or fade away
And when you felt like giving up
I never did.”
I’ve been playing this song almost constantly. Imagining that you’re singing to me because right now everything seems hard. And like I’m alone. Some days I wish I had a shoulder to cry on. So instead I cry into my pillow. And try to push thoughts out of my head. The song ends by saying, “I can try to love again,” and I want to, but every time it has ended. I truly don’t think I can take another ending. And I guess that’s what it comes down to. I can’t take another ending.
I’ll try again. But I’ll confess, I don’t think I have the heart to try again multiple times. I hope that I’m not putting limitations on you. I am tired of broken hearts.
Romans 8:38-39 – I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love which Christ Jesus our Lord shows us. We can’t be separated by death or life, by angels or rulers, by anything in the present or anything in the future, by forces or powers in the world above or in the world below, or by anything else in creation.
Thank you for your promises. Thank you for loving me. For loving all of us. For showing your love to us. Thank you for who you are. I love you.
Psalm 40:1-2 – I waited patiently for the Lord. He turned to me and heard my cry for help. He pulled me out of a horrible pit, out of the mud and clay. He set my feet on a rock and made my steps secure.
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“Hoping doesn’t mean we ignore reality. No, hoping means we acknowledge reality in the very same breath that we acknowledge God’s sovereignty.” – Lisa Terkeurst.
Yahweh, I don’t always understand your timing,but I want to patiently wait on you. Please hear my prayers and comfort me when I struggle to understand your plans. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Dream:
I was in a bakery. There were several people waiting. There were eventually three people (myself included), but I wasn’t sure who was next. I asked who was next and the others didn’t respond so I stepped up. When I did, they started to argue that they were here before. I got upset and said that I had asked, but if you want to go ahead, go ahead. I stepped back, but I had already ordered a sweet bun and a bag of hops so they set it aside for me.
Now I’m not sure if it was the same time, but it’s possible, but I was in the line to pay. The restaurant/bakery was darker and had a lot of people. Some were going to one window to order food, some going to another window to order baked goods. In the line, but not in the line, there was a guy who seemed to be edging forward ahead of me, but I kept my eye on him. When I got to the window, I indicated that I had ordered already and then stepped to the next window to pay. The lady yelled out from the back that my stuff was off to the side. I got my stuff and then went outside where I met about two big trucks and a car almost blocking the parking lot. I had to squeeze between the truck and the car to come out. I did and started eating.
Another scene: I think I remember before the bakery turned into the restaurant/bakery, I had already stepped back but had the hops in my hand and took out one and started to eat it. But I put it back in the bag with the bite because I said I hadn’t paid for it yet. But then the bag “disappeared” from my hand. When I got my bag of hops later, there were no bite marks or anything.
Yahweh, I seek your guidance about this dream and the other dreams. Show me please what they mean. What am I to do or not do. If they are warning or promises. Of things past or things to come. What does bread mean in dreams? In two of the last three dreams, food featured. Condensed milk, fruits, nuts, bread. I had to speak up not to be passed over. Help me to know when to speak up.Thank you for your promise of abundance. Help me to walk in your will. Amen.
Yahweh. All the prayers today, that I won’t run from this season. I may not always enjoy it, but I will learn from it.
Joy in the Morning ~ Tauren Wells
