Never Leave Me nor Forsake Me

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September 5, 2022

Yahweh, you promised that you will never leave me nor forsake me. And seeing other’s prayers being answered even before they pray and me still standing here. Did I imagine what I saw? What you promised? I don’t believe so. I believe what you said. But if I fall, please heal my wounds. I’m hurting right now. I am. I am holding onto you, but I am hurting. I honestly feel so let down. And I’m trying to keep singing and praising and I’m hurting. I’ve always been let down. I did not expect that you would let me down too. I have nothing. Do I still have you? I’m not letting you go even if you let me go. Please don’t leave me alone cause I cannot go through this without you. Not gonna lie, I felt such pace and joy and now I’m here in tears. I can’t even talk anymore. I didn’t think I could hurt this much. Why would you promise and then? I can’t figure anything out. I’m done. Whatever happens it’s all on you cause there is nothing I can do. You are the only one that can save. You are the only one. Please don’t leave me forever. I can’t bear it.

TODAY’S THANKFUL TALLY

That I can still be thankful even though I am crying.
For prayers that have not yet been manifested.
All the glory belongs to Yahweh.

I’m sorry for disappointing you. Forgive me for all I’ve done wrong. I don’t know what else I can do to prove my love. I am tired. I don’t think I can survive being let down again. I don’t want to hide my heart. Help me not to hide. Honestly. Despite what is happening now. Despite my disappointment and hurt, I do know this:

I love you. And even though you slay me, strip me to the bone, I will trust you.
Even though, I don’t feel it now, you do love me.
I know what you said. I know what I heard and I will trust you to bandage up my wounds and broken body parts.
You still have a plan for me. I guess it requires me to suffer more and that’s okay.
My cats are hungry. There is no food for them.