January 18, 2022
This evening I pulled out the first journal to select some entries and I realised that some moments I had thoughts I had immortalised weren’t there. Oh well. Over the past couple months there were singular moments that he always spoke to me that I intentionally left vague in the journal just in case someone found my journal. Probably bite me for doing that. But one thing I am convicted on. Well two things.
- We must believe what he always says. That’s part of partnering, believing.
- If you heard a word wrong, he will correct. He will not lead you down the wrong path.
Yahweh, I know that it’s a silly thing to pray about. I do also know that this is a year of solitude, but in spite of all that. Can I have a gift for Valentine’s day? It’s something I rarely even get. I remember getting a gift from mom once. Please?
TODAY’S THANKFUL TALLY
- Your promises and your love.
- Finished typing up week one.
- Reminders of who you are
There’s no lovesick you won’t heal. There’s no desperate you won’t fill. I am longing deeper still for you.
I’m not always on the mountaintop. I am thankful for the growth I have seen in me through you. I am thankful though that in my low moments, you still remind me of your love for me. A song I’ve never even heard before, from a group that I’ve been listening to for how long, came up. “Nothing else can fill my heart but Jesus,” Thank you for filling me. For coming into my life and your gentleness towards me. The phrase is used so much, it seems overused, but your promises are worth the wait.
Yahweh, I pray for continued relationship with you. Deeper relationship with you. I don’t want to lose my taste for you. Help me to walk in the way that you have called me. Here’s my heart, Yahweh. I do believe that you use anything to get your message across. There are so many ways that you speak to us. Grant me your spirit of discernment so I will know when you are speaking. To know when you want to move or to stand still. While I’m waiting, I’m getting stronger in you. I am trusting you, even though my circumstances don’t always look favourable. But you are God, you are my strength.
Yahweh, I am yours and you are mine. I don’t have anything else to ask for from you, not tonight. Yes I made a request, but even if the answer is no I’m still going to praise you. I will honour you and honestly part of me wants to take it back because I would truthfully prefer a gift that would be meaningful from someone who loves me and desires to be with me rather than a placeholder. I prefer to wait because it would be worth it. Thank you for waiting on me, thank you for your promises and your word in my life. Yahweh, I pray for Gen. Every time I look at her, I see a younger me. I pray for your covering over her life, that she will see you as her friend and father.
Believe on a Different Level
So there is this part of me that expects that every day with you would be like a Marvel movie. But it’s not. It will always be good and fulfilling, but not a constant roller coaster. The vision I’m seeing is truly that of a ship travelling. Most days it would be smooth seas, crystal waters, almost routine. But still important. Then there would be the days when the storms hit and rocks the ship but they don’t last forever. Stops along the way at different ports of call where sometimes passengers get off or get on. There are those who are there for the entire ride. But it’s funny how I think that our relationship should be constant highs and lows, when the truth is, it needs to be steady, until it reaches its destination. The storms may come, but we remain steady. Life is not a Marvel movie. I want to go steady with you. LOL, I know I wrong for that but you still love me. Heck ,you made me corny.
