JANUARY 11, 2022
Well it’s an earlier than usual wake up call, but I had gone to bed earlier than usual (I think in emojis at times it seems. I literally visualised the emoji that laughing, but covering its mouth). Thank you for a new day and new mercies. You are Jireh. You are enough. I kept day/night(awake) dreaming of Jeffers. Which made me get up. I don’t want to allow myself to dwell on what was or what may be. In the now, he is not part of the picture.
Exodus 21:7-11 – 7 “Whenever a man sells his daughter into slavery, she will not go free the way male slaves do. If she doesn’t please the master who has chosen her as a wife, he must let her be bought back by one of her close relatives. He has no right to sell her to foreigners, since he has treated her unfairly. But if he has chosen her for his son, he must treat her like a daughter. If that son marries another woman, he must not deprive the first wife of food, clothes, or sex. If he doesn’t give her these three things, she can go free, without paying any money for her freedom.
Yahweh. You’re killing me here. Yes, that’s my honest thought right now. It almost feels like the woman doesn’t stand a chance. I pray for discernment, because I don’t understand and I truly want to. But it’s hard to read this. What happens to the woman if she leaves free without money? What happens to her? Because clearly at that stage she wasn’t redeemed by her family, so she’s abandoned to the streets?
This isn’t easy. To quote a therapist. It’s creating very uncomfortable feelings.
COMMENTARY: When a maid is given to be raised by a family with the intent for her to be married into the family. If they don’t want her again, and her family did not pay the price for her, then she should remain with the family and still be treated well.
But there is an option that allows the family to neglect their duties which essentially puts her out. This is hard. Yahweh I know I may never understand this, but why even allow this? All I can see is a woman who is unwanted, unprotected, without anything to her name in a society that did not seem to place much value on women. And it hurts. It’s hard to reconcile this to the God I’ve come to know. It’s triggering because even now many women are still treated like property and discarded when not wanted. And honestly (sigh), I’m feeling the unwanted part. If a woman isn’t redeemed and isn’t maintained, she is unwanted. And so many times I’ve felt unwanted but at least I was able to take care of myself and I still have my parents.
REVELATION: What happens to a world that won’t acknowledge Yahweh? That developed their own systems and laws? What happens when Yahweh makes himself known to them? (damn, I now understand when Pastor Sarah says she wishes she could say it, how it was revealed).
Yahweh doesn’t like the system. He never intended for anyone to be slaves or subject to any of these laws. But man without him would do crazy things. Like leaving a woman uncared for. So why not change everything in one strike? Make a law saying no? Once again because of man. A limitless God can be limited by the choices and beliefs of man. If we choose not to truly partner with Yahweh, then we can never see the full manifestation of what he can do. And then there is man. We see where even in modern times, so many are resistant to change and would fight tooth and nail to “protect ” what they feel is right. To make a change immediately, would have put persons against each other and possibly create a “civil” war. The people that Yahweh called his own would have been divided and fought amongst themselves and probably brought about their own genocide.
Numbers 15 – Yahweh later on brought on laws for the Israelites in Canaan. These laws were more “fair” in treating with everyone on a whole.
Numbers 16 – Korah and his men rebelled because they felt Moses exalted himself above others with the distribution of the laws.
People don’t always like change.
When new laws were made after how many years of seeing God in the fire and the cloud, there was still rebellion that resulted in the death of Korah and cohorts. Even with Yahweh’s sign of Korah’s wrongdoing, the people murmured against Moses and Yahweh and said that he caused the death of Yahweh’s people.
Yahweh did what he did before because – to quote a friend, “man big and dunce”. The reaction of the Israelites if Yahweh had put everything “right” in Exodus would have been worse. 14,700 people died in the plague because of the rebellion. So how could a just God give the additional laws that he gave in Exodus? Because he is a just God who will not force us, but will guide us and allow us the time to change. Little by little he will turn things around.
Probably why you are God and not me. I would have probably forced them to do the right thing. Because what they were doing was wrong. But you believe in freewill. You believe so much in us choosing that you limit yourself to our choices.
It’s official. You are beyond comprehension. Your why, that is. I don’t think I will ever understand why you are willing to do all this for us. But I am thankful that you are. Despite the limitations it puts on you, you let us choose.
I AM WILLING TO CHANGE. No limits on how you move in my life. Forgive us Yahweh for being “big and dunce.” Thank you for saving us and for loving us.
HOW AM I?
One of the things I am learning is to sit and take stock of, clear out the closet so to speak, on a regular basis. So many emotions ran across my mind. Calm, happy, okay, lonely, but the most relevant one is content. I am content. Life isn’t perfect, it never will be. But I am okay. I can take control of the things under my purview and let go of the rest. Last night was cold, even under three covers, sweatpants, socks and sweater and I felt lonely at that moment you know? Lol. You would think I’m used to having folks in my bed. I’m not. But it’s a nice feeling wrapped up with someone, so I hugged myself and went to sleep. And this morning I’m content. I don’t know all the plans Yahweh has for me, I just know the next step, so gonna keep on stepping.
