January 2, 2022
Yahweh, thank you for your mercy and your grace. Thank you for loving me. At this moment, I feel a bit tired (my body needs to recover from the bed?), but I am thankful for what You have done and for who You are.
Yahweh I bring this neighbourhood before you. Honestly it feels to me as though evil is outweighing the good, but I know that in the end You have already won the victory. Be with this neighbourhood. I pray that your spirit would overshadow us and fill us anew. Let our lights shine. Let each person be drawn to you. I pray especially for Chico & Phil. I know that we all have our own choices to make, but I pray that they choose to live for You. Sigh. I’m not sure how I feel about them living downstairs for the rest of their lives, but so often it feels like they want to live off others without contributing themselves. But I do know that You work miracles and You restore and renew when it seems like all hope is lost. Let their lives be yours. Thank you for a place to call home. Let this neighbourhood once more be connected to you and to each other. Thank you, Yahweh.
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Yahweh, more and more it is being made clear that it is just me and You. And I don’t mean the “just” in a belittling way, but emphasis on, I should not expect anything from others. I was sharing with someone that there are others who feel the same way I’ve been feeling about our youth programme not just being a “service.” There was nothing in my tone, but before I could continue, the only thing they could say was “why am I worried about it?” I wasn’t worried. I was actually excited and now I’m upset because lately they keeps dismissing a lot of what I say or ideas that I have as, “why I’m worried about it.”
I realised not too long ago that I didn’t really consider here a sanctuary anymore and I really don’t. Probably explains why I stay in my room so much. I don’t intend to share ideas or thoughts anymore. It’s the similar reception I get with Vinny & Cee. It may not be the best thing right now, but I will be silent. Because if I say anything, I’m deemed emotional. And honestly the constant dismissal is wearying and it has contributed to so much of my insecurities. I truly don’t want to be controlled by my emotions and I will keep working on overcoming my insecurities. Yahweh thank you for always listening. For always caring. For saving me. For not dismissing me.
