March 4, 2024
12:18 am : yes the rest day and now getting to bed
So I’m conflicted. I went to a play tonight (more on that later) and towards the end I received an email in reference to the youth group that I used to lead. I stopped because no matter how many times I asked others for help, for several years it was just me and Mom when she was able. Now someone else is leading and some of the same people who said they couldn’t help is helping. And honestly it bothered me because it’s not the first time this has happened. So I asked Steph if it looks like I don’t need help. Honestly it was the only question I could figure out to ask because it’s not like me and the folks are enemies. They even ask me to help them on occasion (a lot) and I do. So what is the issue.
Apparently I look like I don’t need help. That I’m super capable and can handle anything that comes my way. That sucks. Sigh. I probably need to behave like a damsel in distress. I’ll probably get a date too. I’m conflicted. Should I change? Though I guess I’ll have to figure out what about me screams that I don’t need help and soften that a bit. We shall see. The sad thing is? I want to be with a guy who will help me: open the jar, wash the car and all that. Yahweh, can I make my request known unto you? I will absolutely be the helpmate, but I would also like a guy who will help without me begging. Please and thank you.
And the play? It was bachannal with no moral growth or proper conclusion. I will not attend another one of their productions, but I enjoyed the night out.
What am I thankful for?
- Being capable but in need of help. Yahweh, I pray that you’re not also thinking that I can handle everything and that’s why I’m still here. Cause that’s a no. Not okay with that.
- Starting to save all of $25, but I will not despise small beginnings.
- I’ll keep telling your story.
