February 6, 2023
1:41 am : woke up and not going back to sleep
Good Morning Yahweh. I need to have the mind of Christ. I need to change, to commit. To be consistent. I need you. Confession? I feel like I’m so far behind on everything. That I will never catch up. Like I don’t even know what my future is supposed to look like anymore and if I don’t know what it’s supposed to look like, how can I work towards it? And I’ve been afraid to really admit this because I’m supposed to have faith. But when something that all/everything – messages, signs (that I didn’t even ask for) seemed to say, does not happen and now everything seems to point in the opposite direction, it leaves me confused. I’m confused. I’m hurt and I feel a bit lost. And I did not want to admit that because I did not want to feel like I’m doubting you. But I don’t know what to think or do. And I know the response of others will be to worship while waiting. What am I waiting for though? What am I waiting for?
And I think that Miya leaving is truly affecting me because I went through the past almost three months of resounding “Nos” from you. Almost no help for the struggles of life I am facing and then seeing everything for Miya being answered as a yes in a matter of weeks. And I’m happy for her. I truly am.
But it also made me wonder what about me? What about the business? The plans that you said (or maybe I though wrong) and I’ve really been trying to keep my head up. And Stand Still and watch you fight for me. But I’m not seeing anything. Even the design project is quiet and I’m sad.
Yahweh. Please help me. Please open my heart so that I can hear you speaking. Help me to keep trusting you. You are the source and I need you.
John 10:10 – A thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy. But I came so that my sheep will have life and so that they will have everything they need.
Yahweh, I pray against all the distraction of the enemy. I know that true joy and satisfaction can only be found in you – the giver of life. Help me as I face daily attacks on my time, attention and energy. Empty my life of any lies and false securities. I trust your way. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Today:
I am your daughter.
You will never leave me alone.
Today:
I will trust you to control my cravings.
Today:
I will continue on the journey towards a healthier body because my body is your temple. I will not resort to fasting/starving. But will eat healthy (nut not boring or tasteless). Balanced meals.
I will exercise.
Today:
I will remember that you know the plans you have for me and even if I can’t see, you can.
Today:
I will remember that all things work together for the good of them that love you and are called according to your purpose.
Today:
I will remember that you have called me out of darkness and into light.
Today:
You have loved me with an everlasting love.
Today:
I will fan these gifts into flames.
Today:
You have not given me a spirit of fear, but of love, power and a sound mind.
And today:
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Strength for today. Healing for today. Provision for today. Hope for tomorrow.
Thank you for who you are. Thank you Yahweh for your love. For the seasons of life that are ordained by you. Thank you for your peace that passed all understanding. Thank you for restoration in you. Cleanse my heart. Remove any bitter stain from within. Teach me Yahweh, you. Your will. I love you.
Where am I today?
- I am saved and loved.
- I am 250 pounds.
- I am single.
- I have a job and a business.
- I am God’s ministry on earth. Everything that I do is dedicated to him.
- I live in my parent’s home.
Where do I want to be in one year?
- Saved and loved by God.
- 200 – by the end of 2023.
- Married to the one God has called me to. Joyfully (as in working through the good and the not so good days).
- Further advanced in my career and business.
- That the ministries will prosper and draw others to Christ.
- To live with my spouse in our own home.
Yahweh. This is now and later. But this is also surrendered to you. To your timing. To your will. I pray for your continued guidance and that my desires and expectations don’t overshadow you. I will have expectation, but also expect to be surprised because I don’t know how/when you will move. But I do know you will move. I do know that you know the plans you have for me. Plans to give me a future and a hope.
3 John 2:1 (KJV) – Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.
For some reason, I took this scripture to mean that eventually your soul (spiritual life) will prosper and everything else will also. But it’s saying, spiritually you’re already prospering. Now I’m praying for everything else to prosper the same way. To truly prosper in other things, your soul has to prosper first.
