February 3, 2022
(Lol. The tea never happened. I need to re-stock)
Question: Who am I to you, Yahweh?
BLESSED LOVED DAUGHTER CONQUEROR
Malachi 3:12 – And all nations shall call you blessed. Ye shall be a delightsome land, saith the Lord of Hosts.
You have always been there waiting. Waiting to save. Waiting to bless us. Thank you Yahweh for waiting. Thank you for your provision and your blessing over my life. It is a good thing to be blessed by you.
SIDEBAR: I’m beginning to think that every word in the Bible I need to pull up the original meaning!!
Suffer:
Modern definition: experience or be subjected to something bad or unpleasant (which is what I think I know).
Greek/Biblical definition: that which befalls one. passion/emotion. And undergoing, an enduring.
It gives a completely different meaning/context to a lot of things. I think I need to be more intentional about understanding words and their historical meanings. It gives a completely perspective to a lot of things.
See. I wasn’t supposed to be thinking about romantic relationships today. I keep turning my thoughts to other things, but even when I do, it keeps coming back to relationships. In so many ways he wasn’t ready. The pastor (I so wasn’t expecting what I heard), said that so many of us sabotage our relationships because we are afraid to lose ourselves in them. We are always worrying about it ending and by focusing on it ending, it brings about the end. There were so many times Jeffers would say that he doesn’t want to lose himself in a relationship because he gave of himself before and it ended. Also said a lot that he is committed, but is afraid that the moment we put labels on, it would go downhill from there. The sad truth is, it ended this time because he kept holding himself back. The day he labelled it was the day he stood me up. And it still hurts at times which is why I try not to focus on it, but I guess it seems to be the day that I need to think about it because it keeps coming up.
I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know that you are holding it and I trust you. I am going to keep on doing what you’ve asked of me, because my heart is yours, Yahweh. It’s yours and every time I attempt to take it back, you have my permission to give me a Holy Ghost tap. Thank you for your promises. My life is yours. Thank you for loving me. I’m going back to the sermon, but I really hope that I don’t keep on crying because it’s not fun crying.
Yahweh, I pray that you will be with him. That in his next relationship he would look for ways to build rather than how it may end. That he will learn and grow from what has happened.
Help me to also prepare myself and to do what you have called me to do. This is not the end. I will trust. My mental health is not going back to the way it used to be. My faith will not wither or die.
See, this is what I love about you. Especially in the times when I didn’t see it coming. I asked you “Who am I to you?” and honestly those were the words that came to me. I was intending to find scripture to support each, but you had other plans in mind. Instead you sent a speaker to confirm that I am a conqueror through you. That with you, I won’t be defeated. That I am here to wage war on the things that are against you.
It’s amazing that (almost) two different messages came from the same sermon. Thank you Yahweh. You are good.
Soooooo. Wait. No lie, I was super excited from the message and was about to register for the blog site. Confession, it was scheduled for February month end ehhh. Tell me why there were constant issues with the zip code of all things? I literally said: if it really is not to be until month end, then the next attempt would not go through. Guess what?! It did not go through. I need to really curb my enthusiasm. And it’s funny, this morning I remembered the story of the prophet who God gave a message to go and come straight back. Another prophet met him and invited him to sit and eat with him and he did. He was later killed by animals for disobeying Yahweh. Yahweh, please forgive me for not following your word that you gave to me. To me. It’s not that both prophets weren’t anointed, but for different purposes. Thank you for your restraining hand. Thank you for your love shown towards me (and for not sending wild animals to eat me. Seriously thank you). I am grateful for your watch over my life. Thank you for forgiveness.
STORYTIME: So I stepped out of the office and was sitting in my car writing in my journal. Hadn’t left the compound yet. Two persons came through the parking lot and I heard one reading the title on my parking spot and asking the next person if I’m the person they wanted to talk to. I wasn’t, but I was the person they needed. They had been up and down trying to get some information and direction and they were finally able to get some guidance. At the end she said, “God works in mysterious ways.” and I must agree. Thank you Yahweh for using me and for helping her. I pray that the issues are resolved. Thank you for your grace.
Facepalm. I probably should have finished listening to the message before rushing off to try and register the blog, because the next thing the speaker said when I came back to the message? Sometimes you’re not ready for the big shift yet – so you have to take the baby steps. The ones that no one is seeing yet but you. Sigh. Thank you ehhh. For your continued work in me.
These drivers (parkers) in the parking lot make me look bad. Tell me why I lined up next to one vehicle. The space between me and the next vehicle was kinda wide, but not wide enough for a car to park (there are no lines in this parking lot). But I was close to the one I parked next to. When I came back out all the vehicles that I had parked close to were gone and the cars that came left a wide space between my vehicle and theirs, but not wide enough for another vehicle to park;. So now it just looks like I’m just taking up space. Sigh.
I really feel like baking something, not overly complicated (leaving the polish cake for Sunday) and the chocolate cake for the next week. Think I’ll make some cookies. Ginger chocolate chip cookies. Yum.
Aaannnddd. No cookies were baked. I completely forgot I had cooked channa to make hummus. So did that instead.
