And She Smiles at The Future

February 12, 2022

I think I’m at the age where I need a nap during the day, yes. I’m feeling tired. Like really tired. Been up since 3:00? I think. I am thankful for life. Thankful for the messages and the way that you have spoken to me.

Sigh. I am trying to chip this chip off my shoulder. At a family Life program. What always bothers me at these programmes is the way that a single person doesn’t have a “family.” Family is always defined as husband, wife, children or some variation of that. And it bothers me. I keep trying to not take it on, but I think mentally I need to really deal with it so that I don’t hold any resentment. I don’t like how we are treated, almost as pariahs in the church. I don’t look to the church body for validation and for that I am thankful, but there are so many who don’t belong because they don’t have a spouse and the 2.5 children. I think that what I probably hope for is that we see each other as more than just mothers, fathers, husbands, wives but as a person. Just a person, an individual who has hopes, dreams, ideas, who has hobbies: see beyond the labels so to speak. But chances are in this world, that’s not likely to happen. Sigh. I think I will curl up in my bed and watch a movie. Maybe.  Honestly, I haven’t been seeing much movies lately that I want to watch. 

TODAY’S THANKFUL TALLY

1. Singing in a group.
2. Yahweh’s messages.
3. Actually willing to try unexpected new things.

Honestly, the next time the dog is here I’m sleeping in my car. Far, far away from here. I know I’m supposed to have patience but honestly, I am frustrated with the dog. He barked so much last night that I barely got any sleep. Next time I see him here I’m just going to pack up the van. I’m sorry Yahweh, if it’s not the right thing to do but no other idea is coming to mind. I’m tired.

I haven’t mastered sleeping in a lot of loud noises, so I’m not going to fight it. Going to listen to a sermon. Yes, the dog is still barking almost an hour later. I will be content in every circumstance. Yahweh, you are more than enough. 

So, you know that there are some scriptures that you read but it’s like you’re seeing something for the first time? The speaker said in the first minute, be like the Proverbs 31 woman and smile at your future. I was like huh? She was industrious, wise, but smiling? And yes she was. The thing is that when you’ve done what Yahweh has asked you to do (with the right heart), you can smile at the future. Even if things aren’t perfect, you can smile. 

Back to the sermon:What do I need this year? 

1. Vision from God: ask God what he wants for my life.

SIDEBAR: This man quoting all my scriptures for this year and speaking all my words. 

       2. Faith for the future: Trust, confidence and belief. You can learn faith. You can receive faith 

       3. Renewed mind: The will of  God for my life is good, pleasing and perfect. Discipline the mind, it’s a battlefield.

       4. A life of Thanksgiving.

No matter what happens. No matter what comes my way, I will praise Yahweh. Thank you Yahweh for your word over my life. For your promises. Thank you for your faithfulness to me. I love you Yahweh.